Looking Back on Life as well as Looking Forward

This has been somewhat of a tough week. As some of you know, yesterday marked the 3 year anniversary of losing my dear cousin Natalie. Also, a month ago yesterday marked the 3 year anniversary of losing my grandfather. Although losing someone dear to you is never an easy thing, I will say that the loss of my grandfather wasn't nearly as hard as losing Natalie. My grandfather, Pops, had fought a long and hard battle with cancer, but unfortunately the cancer finally took over his weakened body. He had lived a good, long life and knew that he had a better life awaiting him in eternity where he can now forever be healthy and whole. Although I hope that I too will live a long and happy life, I look forward to the day I can see him again. On the other hand, losing my dear cousin Natalie is one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through in my life. Our entire family had a very rough time with that and many of them are still struggling with it now. Natalie was one of the most kind hearted, gifted, and beautiful people I have ever known. It breaks my heart to think of the struggles she dealt with throughout her life and I only hope she knew how much we all loved and cared for her. I think about her often and even though the realistic part of me knows that she's gone, a part of me somehow still wants to think this has all just been a really bad dream. The relationships within our family have taken some hard hits throughout all this, part of which I'm ashamed to say may be due to my own selfish actions. I can only hope and pray that those relatives know that I would never, ever intentionally do or say anything to cause their hearts to hurt. I know that things will never be the way they used to be, but I would love nothing more than to try and move forward with a new "normal", one that involves us all as well as keeping the memories of both Natalie and Pops alive and well. I look forward to the day Isaac is big enough to understand the stories I will tell him of them both. The stories of how his cousin was truly a gifted soul with many talents. The stories of how his great-grandfather was one of the toughest, yet sweetest men I ever knew. He was both a God-loving and God-fearing man and had the strongest faith I have ever witnessed. If I can be just a fration of the Christian man that he was, I will feel like I have accomplished something in this life. I only hope and pray that I am able to instill in my own child the values and morals that he instilled in my mother who in turn, passed them on to me. I know this post is out of the ordinary for me. I guess I just had a heavy heart this week and needed a release. I pray that I can be the best mother and wife that I can be and that I am able to teach Isaac the important things in life and the things that really matter. Please keep me and my little family in your prayers. God be with you all....